The first of the Democratic debates were this week and there are so, SO many candidates, guys! We don’t know which candidates have the staying power to still be in it a year from now. There are certainly front-runners but it’s really anybody’s guess at this point.

Which brings us to today’s question: when will Trump start passing out derogatory nicknames to the democratic candidates.

He’s already bestowed a few nicknames to some of the candidates. Who can forget Elizabeth “Pocahontas” Warren? There’s “Crazy” Bernie. And, Trump has been testing the waters with “Low-energy” Joe Biden. I feel like that one is just lazy, though; does he think we’re all just going to forget that Jeb Bush was already “Low-energy” Jeb??

Also, we don’t really know how DJT comes up with his nicknames. Does he get input from friends and family? Does he hire a ghost-writer? Does he get ideas off of 4Chan?

Here’s how I imagine the nicknaming process goes in Trump’s internal dialog.

  • “Let’s see if I can come up with a better dis on Elizabeth Warren…Hmmm….Elizabeth “Borin’” Warren? “Whorin’” Warren? How about “Foreign” Warren…because she hates America? Nah, I think I’m sticking with Pocahontas. It’s a classic!
  • Who else do we have here. Beto O’Rourke. O’Rourke. O’Rourke. O’Dork? Nailed it!
  • Julian Castro. I think I’ll call him “Disastro” Castro. Oooh! Or, how about “Castrated” Castro? Maybe, Julian “Fidel” Castro. My base will eat that up because all democrats are communists”
  • Now, New York Mayor Bill Di Blasio. That guy sure loves to hear himself talk so I’m going to call him “Blah,Blah,Blah Di Blasio”. Oh, Donald, you scamp! You’ve done it again!
  • There’s some guy named Andrew Yang. I think I’ll call him “Ching Chang Wing Wang” Yang! It really drives home the point that he’s not white/probably a Chinese spy.
  • Tim Ryan? How about “Lyin” Ryan? That’s good but…dammit, I already used “Lyin” for Ted Cruz. I should have saved that one for something that rhymes but, to be honest, I never thought the hayseeds would actually elect me! I got it…”Tiny” Tim Ryan! I have no idea how tall he is but I think I’ve heard the term “Tiny Tim” before, possibly from a SpongeBob cartoon.
  • Wow. There are a lot of democrats whose names can be turned into gay slurs. And if there’s one thing I learned from being a douchey rich kid its making fun of the gays!
  • Jay Inslee? You are now “Gay” Inslee, sir.
  • Cory Booker? “Gay Hooker”
  • Eric Swalwell? I’m going to call him…get this…Eric SWALLOWS WELL!
  • Hold on a second. This can’t be right. There’s a guy named John Hickenlooper who’s running for President? Of the UNITED STATES?!?! Bad news, Hickenlooper. I hereby dub thee “John Dick-in-Pooper” Zing-O!
  • This last one I can’t believe. I can’t believe it! There’s a mayor from some loser-town in the Midwest who’s gay…and his name is actually Pete Buttigieg. Seriously, he’s gay. His first name is “Peter”…and the first 4 letters of his last name spell “Butt”! I’m probably the first person to notice that!

Man, I had no idea running against people who aren’t Crooked Hillary could be so much fun! “

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