Things You DO NOT Say To An East Texan
There are just some things that you don't say to certain people groups. For example, you don't invite the guy on the diet to the ice cream party. It's just common knowledge. What you may not know, however, is that there are certain things that you just don't say to East Texans. For any of the people from out of town reading this...this article is for you.
Let's start with the basics. We all know that whoever said that sales of pickup trucks was going to drastically decline obviously didn't spend much time in Texas. We're going to drive our trucks, and that's just the way it is. And to answer your question: Yes, we really do need a truck.
This is one that lots of people can't wrap their mind around. Considering that we could drive to Atlanta, Georgia - FOUR STATES AWAY - in less time than it takes to drive to El Paso - IN THE SAME STATE - NO 30 minutes is not too long of a drive. Plus, that just gives us more time to enjoy the East Texas landscape, and we're not going to pass that up.
The actual answer to this one is, "Whenever I feel good and ready to move!" Heck, we might just build a house and live on that one piece of land until the day we die, in which case our kids will inherit the property and the cycle continues. The fact of the matter is that we're here because WE WANT TO BE HERE. If we feel like moving, we'll move. It really is THAT simple.
This one bothers us here in East Texas, because it's a false statement. There is no such thing as "too many Mexican food restaurants". However, if you're curious about us having too many donut shops, we're probably going to be inclined to agree...
Yes, we know...it's our blessing and our curse. We know that it's true. However, we don't want to hear even more about it.
This is one that's actually a pet peeve of most Texans. Throwing some hot dogs and burgers on a grill does not equal a barbecue. That's a cookout. Let's review: Cookout = burgers and hot dogs thrown on a grill for a few minutes, followed by hanging out and eating with friends and family for a couple of hours before everyone goes home. Barbecue = getting up at gosh-awful times of the night to start the fire in the BARBECUE PIT, followed by checking it periodically to make sure the temperature is right, followed by smoking the meat (brisket, ribs, chicken, etc.) for hours, until it's cooked to perfection, at which point everyone chows down on the food. Altogether, a minimum of 12 hours of activity. Again, do not confuse a "barbecue" with a "cookout".
False. Once again, false. Just because there's not something on every street corner, like a mall, or arcade, or whatnot, there's plenty of other things we can do. Among those are fishing and hunting. We prefer to think of it as "making our own fun".
You don't like our idea of beautiful scenery? You can leave. Just because we can't see a town off in the distance for two hours before we actually get there like in West Texas doesn't mean that we aren't quite content with it.
Pump the brakes right there. We know that cell phones don't work quite as well here. You don't need to remind us. We've just come to accept it. We can't have it all, so we have to sacrifice some things to live here in East Texas. It's the same with cable and/or internet. Sometimes, you live out in the sticks and the providers can't help that.
Hold up there, cupcake...while you can reach East Texan status, it's going to take a while for that to really sink in. I was born here, and I've got a couple of decades of experience in being a true East Texan. I've seen restaurants come and go, I've seen hurricanes come down highway 96 and I've seen snow on Easter. I have no doubt that you'll enjoy your time here. However, don't call yourself a true East Texan until...eh, I'd say AT LEAST 5 years. Also, if you've said any of these phrases to us true East Texans, you may want to rethink your own personal East Texan status.