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What’s the First Thing O.J. Simpson Will Do When He’s Free?

O.J. Simpson
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Cue the “he’s going to continue to search for the real killer” jokes.

O.J. Simpson stormed back onto the front page of the American consciousness Thursday when he was granted parole after serving nearly nine years for his role in a robbery.

One of the more divisive figures in recent history in this country, Simpson continues to be a topic of discussion, as well as the butt of many jokes. There’s no doubt that will only increase when he’s released from prison, which can happen as early as October 1.

We’re not above making jokes, either. Now that he’s going to be released from prison, the question becomes what will be the first thing he does? Well, the world is a much different place than it was in the near-decade since he was incarcerated. So, with tongue firmly planted in cheek, let’s offer up a few suggestions of what we should do first:

  • Join Tinder.
  • Netflix and kill chill.
  • Get very involved in social media and track down every single troll who calls him out.
  • Clear out his DVR. He’s dying to see how Lost ended.
  • Continue contract talks for “Naked Gun 44 1/4.”
  • Red up on out the current state of the country and ask to go back.
  • Accept a position with President Trump in which he leads the search for real voter fraud.
  • Watch every episode of every CSI to learn the latest techniques and technology.
  • Go on Maury to find out if he’s Khloe Kardashian’s father.
  • Take 15 minutes to save 15% or more by switching to Geico.
  • Create a Twitter handle that’s anything but @igotawaywithit
  • Facebook friend request Marcia Clark.

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