Texas Is Better Than Your State
God bless the United States of America. There's 50 of 'em. Each having their own unique contribution to the melting pot that is our great nation. But let's be real about something here, folks. Unlike all men, which our nation's Constitution declares to be created equal, not all states are created equal. Some are just better than others. You may not want to believe this. In fact, you may outright reject such a bombastic proclamation.
Whatever. It doesn't change the fact that Texas is better than your state. Yes, even that one. Especially that one. You know which one I'm talking about.
But of course, a boast is nothing without the proof to back it up so here we go. Let's look at precisely WHY the Lone Star State is the king of the hill.
Our History Is Cooler
Remember the Alamo? Of course you do. Everyone does. At the very least, everyone knows the phrase. That's because the fight against Santa Ana was about as epic as battles for independence get. It was so epic it got its own catchphrase. Does your state's battle for independence (assuming it even had one, wimps) have its own catchphrase? No. It doesn't. Not even the United States' battle for independence got its own catchphrase.
The Scenery Is Better, More Diverse
Have you ever seen a Texas sunset? Sure, you can find pretty and striking sunsets elsewhere. But ask anyone who's ever watched the sun set in Texas and they'll all tell you: There's nothing like a Texas sunset. We also have mountains, sweeping plains, bustling cities, incredible rivers, lakes and forests. Normally you'd have to visit multiple states to get all of that. Texas has it all within our border. Texas is so diverse it might as well be several different states, as proven by this TOTALLY ACCURATE description from the hilarious dark comedy, Bernie. (Which was directed by a Texan, Richard Linklater, who also happens to be another reason why Texas is totally better than your state.)
Every city or state that manages to get famous for its barbecue likes to claim that it is home to “the best.” Memphis, Kansas City, The Carolinas. Whatever. Don’t get me wrong, the ‘cue from those places is tasty and worth eating. But it’s not Texas ‘cue. Those other places have to hide their meat behind sauce. Texas barbecue, though? Don’t even think about it. There’s something pure and right, even downright magical about a perfectly smoked piece of meat from a Texas barbecue joint. Crow about your secret sauce all you want, but the simple perfection of Texas ‘cue can’t be beat.
ZZ Top. Willie Nelson. George Strait. Usher. Beyonce. Buddy Holly. Eli Young Band. Pantera. Los Lonely Boys. The Fabulous Thunderbirds. I mean, come on. How many other states can boast that kind of lineup? Heck, we even have our own genre with Texas Music, to say nothing of the seemingly endless stream of new bands and artists that flow out of Austin.
We Have Our Own Power Grid
There are three power grids in the continental, lower U-S-of-A: Eastern Interconnection, the Western Interconnection and Texas. Yeah, you read that right. It could be blacked out everywhere else and Texas is still lighting it up. We're just that big and awesome.
Friday Night Lights
Forget the movie. Or the book. Or the TV show. If you're reading this and you're not from Texas and you've somehow never been, find your local high school and go to a Friday night football game. Any game. Doesn't matter. It's guaranteed you've never experienced anything like it. Even comparing it to a religion doesn't really get to the heart of it. Just go, and be changed.
If you're from Texas, it's easy to take these for granted since most places around the country have no idea what you're talking about. Or if they do, all they know of them is what's offered at Taco Bell. But let me tell you something, if you've never had a real breakfast taco from a food truck or your local hole in the wall Tex Mex joint, you haven't lived.
Sure, Mr. Ryan has long since been retired from professional baseball, but his legacy remains. He was one of the greatest pitchers the game had ever seen and is one of the greatest things Texas has ever produced. He could throw a no-hitter like nobody's business AND he wouldn't take any of your crap. Yeah, Robin Ventura was 20 years younger than Ryan and still got his butt kicked. Don't mess with Nolan Ryan (and, by extension, Texas).
Yeah, sure, other states have big water parks with slides and whatever. But, this being Texas, our famed water park is like the size of a small town. Unless you've ever actually traversed Schlitterbahn in New Braunfels, you can't really comprehend how huge and awesome this water park is.
So if you're not from Texas you're probably thinking, "OK, why is a gas station convenience store on a list like this?" Oh you sweet summer child. Texas, as you can probably tell by now, doesn't do anything "small." You haven't experienced anything like Buc-ee's if you've never been to one. Watch the video above for proof.
Does YOUR state have waffles shaped like it? No. No it does not. I rest my case.