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Oceanic Administration Denies Existence of Mermaids

Mermaid NOAA
Vince Bucci, Getty Images

Last month, amid a series of gruesome cannibal-like incidents, the Center For Disease Control (CDC) took the unusual step of denying the existence of zombies.

Now, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has stepped forward to declare there is no such thing as mermaids. Sorry, Ariel. 

As with the CDC, NOAA’s decision to state the obvious didn’t come completely out of the blue. What happened is that in May Animal Planet ran a fictional show titled ‘Mermaids: The Body Found’ which confused some viewers because it was similar in format to the legitimate documentaries that appear on the channel. A handful of the most gullible viewers even contacted the NOAA to learn more about the fish/human hybrid, prompting the agency to release a statement on their website debunking the existence of mermaids.

Mermaids — those half-human, half-fish sirens of the sea — are legendary sea creatures chronicled in maritime cultures since time immemorial,” reads the release. “But are mermaids real? No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found. Why, then, do they occupy the collective unconscious of nearly all seafaring peoples? That’s a question best left to historians, philosophers, and anthropologists.”

With that out of the way, we really need some clarification on centaurs. We’re not quite sure what governmental agency would be best to handle that debunking, but it would probably be somewhere in the Department of the Interior.

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Reward Offered In Blinn College Student’s Murder

Blinn College is a small school in Brenham, about an hour and a half outside of Houston.  After a male student was murdered there last month, police are asking for tips as they try to figure out who killed him.  And there's a reward in the case now.

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Getty Images
Getty Images
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WSB
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Photo: John Lund/Annabelle Breakey
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Le'Veon Bell, LeVeon Bell
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Le’Veon Bell Leads Steelers Past Titans, 27-24

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Waiting Room
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Now Is the Time to Sign Up for Health Insurance

Last year just a handful of people signed up for health insurance on the first day of the national open enrollment period, and this year as signups began on Saturday, the federal government says 100,000 people signed up.

The open enrollment period this year is a lot shorter, so don't be caught by surprise.

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Johnny Depp Hollywood Film Awards
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Watch Johnny Depp’s Weird, Drunken Speech at the Hollywood Film Awards

So this is why we don't see Johnny Depp on stage very often (ever?) at awards shows. Last night at the Hollywood Film Awards, Depp introduced the documentary ‘Supermensch,’ about legendary talent manager Shep Gordon, and immediately made it pretty clear that he was not sober-minded. “That's the weirdest microphone I've ever seen in my life,” he slurs—except, you know, it's just a regular microphone.

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Civil War title treatment
Marvel
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‘Captain America: Civil War’ Casts Daniel Bruhl as Its Villain

Even though the upcoming third ‘Captain America’ movie is based on Marvel’s ‘Civil War’ mini-series, where the heroes of the Marvel Universe faced off with one another in a battle over their right to privacy, the ‘Civil War’ film still needs a villain for Chris Evans’ Cap and Robert Downey Jr.’s Iron Man (and new addition Black Panther, played by Chadwick Boseman) to face off with as well. Although they didn’t reveal the identity of his character, Deadline reports that Daniel Bruhl will play the guy to pester the feuding Avengers.

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Police Look For Clues After Texas College Student Is Murdered

Blinn College is a small school in Brenham, about an hour and a half outside of Houston.

After a male student was murdered there last month, police are asking for tips as they try to figure out who killed him.

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Ryan Tannehill
Getty Images
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Miami Dolphins Rally Past Buffalo Bills, 22-9

Ryan Tannehill threw two touchdown passes, and the Miami Dolphins surged past the Buffalo Bills, 22-9, in Florida on Thursday night.

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