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Oceanic Administration Denies Existence of Mermaids

Mermaid NOAA
Vince Bucci, Getty Images

Last month, amid a series of gruesome cannibal-like incidents, the Center For Disease Control (CDC) took the unusual step of denying the existence of zombies.

Now, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) has stepped forward to declare there is no such thing as mermaids. Sorry, Ariel. 

As with the CDC, NOAA’s decision to state the obvious didn’t come completely out of the blue. What happened is that in May Animal Planet ran a fictional show titled ‘Mermaids: The Body Found’ which confused some viewers because it was similar in format to the legitimate documentaries that appear on the channel. A handful of the most gullible viewers even contacted the NOAA to learn more about the fish/human hybrid, prompting the agency to release a statement on their website debunking the existence of mermaids.

Mermaids — those half-human, half-fish sirens of the sea — are legendary sea creatures chronicled in maritime cultures since time immemorial,” reads the release. “But are mermaids real? No evidence of aquatic humanoids has ever been found. Why, then, do they occupy the collective unconscious of nearly all seafaring peoples? That’s a question best left to historians, philosophers, and anthropologists.”

With that out of the way, we really need some clarification on centaurs. We’re not quite sure what governmental agency would be best to handle that debunking, but it would probably be somewhere in the Department of the Interior.

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Win McNamee, Getty Images
Win McNamee, Getty Images
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Stuart Scott
ESPN, YouTube
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McAllen Police Dept
McAllen Police Dept
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Texas Judge Arrested for DWI

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Category: Texas News Tags:
Christopher Furlong/Getty Images
Christopher Furlong/Getty Images
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Thousands Help Lone Survivor After Her Family Is Killed in Spring, TX

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Cassidy Stay's parents and four siblings were killed in the shootings at their home, but Cassidy survived after a bullet grazed her head and she played dead until the violence ended. Now almost $300,000 has been raised for her benefit, as she starts her new life without her family.

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Getty Images-Online USA
Getty Images-Online USA
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Lone Ranger Outfit Brings In Big Bucks at Texas Auction

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Monkey Business
Monkey Business
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Three Weeks Left To Nominate a Lufkin Small Business Of The Year

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Now is the time to nominate your favorite Mom or Pop shop for Small Business of the Year with the Lufkin Chamber of Commerce.

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Category: East Texas News, News Tags: ,
David McNew/Getty Images
David McNew/Getty Images
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Game Wardens Have Been Targeting Lakes Looking for Drunk Boaters

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Texas Tech Cheerleader Hunter Kendall Jones
Facebook
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Facebook Deletes Hunting Pics Posted By Texas Tech Cheerleader

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