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New Coffee Has 200 Percent of the Normal Buzz

Barista
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This is something you might be able to file away in the “Is-this-really-necessary” folder.

A new coffee has been manufactured to contain 200 percent of the caffeine of a regular cup of brew.  Comments the company has received say things like, “Where Red Bull gives you wings, this coffee puts rockets on your back.”

Dear Lord help us.  It’s brewed from some sort of turbo coffee bean, and the product is called Death Wish Coffee.  The packaging includes a black sleeve and a skull and cross bones logo, so you are 100 percent certain that you’re getting into this 200-percent-of-the-buzz coffee.

We have a few pranksters here at the office, and I can just see them filling the usual pot with this high-powered stuff, and then laughing at our jitters and the fact that we can’t sleep for three days.  If we’re suddenly talking a lot faster on the radio, you will know what happened.

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